Sunday, 29 December 2013

ALL ABOUT MATT TAYLOR 2013 REVIEW.


It's been a great year for me. I've been fortunate enough to be a copywriter for the British Association of Anger Management, which has given me the opportunity to contribute to other blogs such as Guerrilla Democracy News, SOS Party and Shadow Sussex Police and Crime Commissioners, to name but a few.

With a regular readership of 6,000 a week, I sincerely hope the numbers will increase during 2014.

TOP FIVE STORIES OF 2013
click on the headings for each article to open in a new window

The critically acclaimed article. If you haven’t heard of Christopher D Spivey, well I don’t blame you. He’s the up and coming voice of the alternative media.

Ever since the nation's favourite uncle was outed as a dirty, dirty, dirty old pervert, the stench of perversion has been getting worse and worse. Its now got so bad I can hardly breathe.

Dear Ma'am, I am interested in running in the November 2012 election for the Police and Crime Commissioner for Sussex.

Dear Prime Minister, While watching the television programme called One Step Beyond, on Edge Media TV, on Tuesday 6th December 2011, an Oxford economist and investigative journalist, called Martin Summers, made an amazing accusation concerning yourself.

Following the Jimmy Savile scandal and the fact that he partook in paedophilia activities within the BBC organization and did so, earning a wage, benefiting from the silent consent and under the umbrella of it's executives, I have been left with no other alternative but to stop paying my TV licence.

Who the fuck in Chris Spivey?
Perverts in Parliament
A Royal Pardon? Fat Chance!
A letter to DC about a very serious matter indeed
STOP PAYING THE BBC TV LICENCE

MAY I WISH EVERYONE THE BEST OF LUCK FOR 2014. WE'RE GOING TO NEED IT!

Friday, 27 December 2013

GUERRILLA DEMOCRACY NEWS 2013 REVIEW.

GUERRILLA DEMOCRACY NEWS 2013 REVIEW.: A 30,000 readership built up over 6 months It's been a great year for Guerrilla Democracy News. Launched in June, with a blast of pu...

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Six Months On.

It’s been six months since I went on Mike Fisher's British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) course. Six months since I sat in a room with six strangers and revealed proudly to the world, I get angry and I'm here to do something about it.

I remember it well. 

Mike Fisher has been running weekend workshops for over 17 years and has averaged out to have helped a 1000 people deal with their anger, for every year doing it.

I love Will Storr's description of anger, which he wrote for the Observer newspaper having been on Mike's weekend course in 2007.

“I can feel my rage. It collects in the centre of my throat. It's like I've swallowed a cannonball and it makes me want to scream. I am brimful of anger, and when it sloshes out, it does so in the only direction it's allowed to - at inanimate objects. I shout at keys I can't find, at carrots I drop on the kitchen floor, at doors I stub my toe on. Last week I called a spilled glass of elderflower cordial a cunt.”

There are six ways we express our anger; intimidation, interrogation, poor me, distancing, winding up and blunder bussing. I'm a bit of everything when I get angry. I'm a big man who looks scary in an aggressive, 'I can kill you' stance. I'm good at machine-gun spraying questions, while being a victim the next moment. I often walk away from situations having dropped an anger grenade in the room, leaving its victims to clear up the emotional mess.

For many people Christmas can be the most stressful time of year. So, BAAM decided to give away a PDF of Surviving Christmas filled with useful thoughts and tips to help you along the way.

When I'm angry at seeing my shadow face to face, I often take the mickey, and shake off my cruel remarks as a joke, and tell the recipient not to take it seriously. Though last but not least, my anger is best released as blunderbuss. 'He's like a bear with a sore head,' my partner would say politely, while in private, complain I have tantrums like a 3-year-old, cursing, slamming, banging, cussing and swearing about the house.

What's wrong with Shouting?

As a kid I used to shout when my sister stole my bike or broke my toys. It was what I did to vent my fury at having a horrible sibling. My mum never checked me for it, except to say to the people at the receiving end, “Let it go through one ear and out of the other and ignore him!”

I was brought up to think shouting was an acceptable way to express anger and I carried it onto adulthood, as any child would. 30 years later, with kids, a partner and pets, I've come to realise it isn't.
My partner hates me shouting, but I justify doing it, by blaming her for making me angry by telling me to stop shouting in the first place. It’s a catch 22 situation. I've been shouting all my life to express my anger and now I have to stop? How do you break a habit of a lifetime? Though my partner would say I'm missing the point. The big question remains, why am I angry?

Over to Mike Fisher.

“Anger is the symptom and shame is the cause. Everyone here suffers from what I call "toxic shame". Shamers feel like they have been somehow cursed, that they're not like other people. They think, "I am flawed and defective as a human being", and, 'If you really knew me, you wouldn't like me."'

As Will Storr wrote from his own experience, “I'm concentrating all my efforts on trying not to cry,” as I can testify at having grown men either side of me break down in tears during a Mike Fisher weekend workshop. I was close to tears myself.

“We avoid facing our own shame,” Mike continues, “by using such behaviours as perfectionism; control; resentment; criticism and blame; moralising; self-contempt and contempt for others; patronising; envy; indifference. Each of these behaviours focuses on another person and takes the heat off us. You need to practise what I call "radical authenticity". You need to accept that the authentic self is often not very nice. But by accepting your shadow-self you're accepting your humanity.

The Jungian concept of 'Shadow-Selves'. 

“Have you ever had the sensation of a stranger walking into a room and feeling suddenly gripped by absurd levels of hatred?” says Mike Fisher, “this is what happens when we encounter a person who is exhibiting one of our 'shadows', those qualities we possess but which we repress or deny in ourselves. Do you hate arrogant people? Greedy people? Or is your bĂȘte-noire the obnoxious, ungrateful or slutty? Well, welcome to yourself. You may have been taught, since before you can remember, that 'showy' people are bad. In response, you've spent your life deliberately avoiding designer labels or boasting about your holidays. Then in stroll Flash-boy Godwin, all bespoke cuff links and diving safaris in Micronesia. And everyone aahs and coos. How comes he's allowed to do that and you're not?”

I've come to realise that while I get angry at being told to keep quiet by my partner, I tell her to do the same when she's trying to express her feelings to me. We each have our own emotional needs which need replenishing. We get angry at our own behaviour.

It’s ironic really, but super liberating all the same. Once you understand the mechanics of anger, you control the anger. Or as Will Storr puts it better than I, “Mike Fisher's course is part theory, part a process of unpacking his pupils; taking their rage to pieces and seeing what its motors look like. If there's one single goal of the intensive three-day course, it appears to revolve around teaching us how to understand and then accept ourselves in all our fallible glory.

We need to learn how to decode the language of our emotions, to be wise about hunting down their causes and bold about stating them. If we know what we're feeling and why we're feeling it and are unafraid to tell the rest of the world, we'll suddenly find we're in command of ourselves. It takes away some of the terror of being human.”

Make no mistake about it, people who have been hurled into the very troughs of despair by their explosive rage.

Reading Will Storr's article brought tears to my eyes, because it spoke of an incident in his childhood with has left a lasting impression into adulthood.

'We were in the car, on holiday, looking for a bike rental shop. My dad was angry because we couldn't find it. He was saying, "Somebody help me." I saw a road we hadn't been up, a narrow one on a steep hill. He tried it and scratched the paintwork on the door. Then he started shouting - saying it was my fault. My mum told me to apologise, which I did. Then, later that day, she called me downstairs, from where I'd been hiding in my room. I thought she was going to say sorry to me, because it obviously wasn't my mistake. But she scolded me some more and made me go out to Dad and apologise again. I just felt totally unsupported. Totally alone.'

And this is the crux of Mike's anger management course. He takes you to places you might otherwise would not have known about.

For example, I never realised that the shame of my mother being certified insane and committed to a mental asylum for 6 months, when I was 6 years old, had left such a lasting impression on me! But alas it has. Its left me an angry man and ashamed of my childhood. As Will Storr reminds us, “We must learn to accept ourselves in all our fallible glory”.

Mike Fisher would say at least twice during the course, 'Listening to you makes me very sad,' with a noticeable twinkle in his tear-shot eyes, followed up with, 'Let's see how the weekend unfolds,' if the person he is saying it to becomes defensive. Mike would smile dreamily and assure us, 'You've got to trust the process.'

The benefit of Mike Fisher's hard-won wisdom.

So, six months on, where am I? Well, I'm still here and I'm happy and not angry at all. When I do get angry, which I still do, I look at the bigger picture and think how it’s going to affect me in 5 minutes. If it isn't going to matter, I let it go and don't take it personally.

Now I just wish my partner would go on a BAAM course too!

If you are having anger issues like I am, why not get in touch with BAAM. Mike's team are on call to book you on the next available three-day course, taking place throughout the UK.

Call BAAM on 0345 1300 286 or check out their website www.beatinganger.com, or emailinfo@beatinganger.com

In fact, its National Anger Awareness Month 2013, from 1st - 31st December 2013, so there is no time better to do it than now.

National Anger Awareness Month is all about learning to take control of your behaviour. 

Everyone feels angry at some time; what matters is how you express that anger.

Keep Your Cool Over Yule.

As part of Anger Awareness Month (December 2013), BAAM are giving away an updated Keep Your Cool Over Yule, a PDF with ways you can keep your Christmas as stress free as possible.

Click here to download a Keep Your Cool Over Yule Kit.

A-Z of Surviving Christmas.

Click here to download the A2Z of Surviving Christmas booklet for free.

That's about it from me; except to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

And before I forget, please read Will Storr's excellent article about Mike Fisher's weekend workshop course by clicking on the link. It brought tears to my eyes!

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Christmas is coming...



What to do and not to do over Xmas.

Christmas is coming and the most stressful time of the year is drawing near. So much to do. The tree is top priority, followed closely by presents, food, drink and good-cheer in equal measure.

Christmas is the most stressful time of the year. More than half of us have family disagreements and a quarter of us say our relationships with our partners come under immense pressure.

We have never been under so much pressure to deliver a perfect Christmas. We're lured into thinking Christmas is perfect by the glossy TV Christmas adverts, with celebrities smiling as they huddle around the Christmas tree exchanging gifts, beautifully wrapped. Everyone must be happy and cheerful through the season of goodwill. No one is allowed to be sad or depressed. NO ONE MUST GET ANGRY!

Here's what to do and not to do over Xmas.

Prepare, prepare, prepare!

Its the only way you'll give yourself the time to relax and enjoy the day. Don't give yourself a hard time making everything perfect. Stop and look at the bigger picture, its just one day! Think about the incidents, which press your buttons in all the wrong ways. Our buttons are unique to all of us and what makes one person angry is completely different to the next. Figure out a strategy of how you are going to deal with those circumstances, whether it’s a brother-in-law, mother-in-law or wife.

Think about the Bigger Picture!

Christmas is the one day that getting angry isn't worth the long term consequences. You are never as good as your last Christmas and a bad Christmas takes exactly a year to get over. We know Christmas means a lot of work and can be really stressful. Make this Christmas very different to any previous, by letting go of the anger and thinking about the bigger picture. Is it really worth destroying the family's Christmas over a burnt Brussels sprout?

Delegate, delegate, delegate!

Share the responsibility of the day and delegate to your heart's content. Do as much as you can in advance, to give yourself the time to relax and put your feet up on the day. Christmas is a team effort and there are jobs for every member of the family.

Don't drink too much!

This is the biggest trip-up people make on Christmas Day and a big 'What not to do'. Alcohol is the culprit of many arguments and clouds your common scene of the situation. Being drunk lowers your defence and alters your mood, often for the worst. Learn to break the reoccurring conversations or topics, which just wind you up. Take action and change the subject as soon as you can. If that doesn't work get yourself out of the situation and if that doesn't work, find yourself a quiet place, the toilet often works, or go for a walk to think about the bigger picture.

Accept the inevitable!

Christmas doesn't have to be perfect. There will be a mess, someone will say something that annoys you, the kids will get rowdy and you will get a pair of socks from Aunt Betty. Look to the positives of the day, seeing family and friends, creating lasting memories, presents and a delicious meal. It’s time to enjoy the day for it’s Christmas spirit and not to focus on one or two things that could make you angry.

Help the youngsters keep calm!

With Santa on his way, the kids can often go into overdrive with excitement. Busy kids means busy parents clearing up the havoc left behind them. Get enough rest before the day because you are going to need it. Tiredness makes everyone grumpy. If they get over excited, try 'time-out' to calm them down. The technique is used throughout the schools and is something the kids are used to. Keep the kids jolly and in the Christmas spirit with their favourite music and activities. Its a good idea to plan a few activities for them to do which can keep them occupied and out of your hair as you prepare, prepare, prepare.

Christmas is there to be shared and enjoyed. Make this Christmas very different to all the previous Christmases. Check out Mike Fisher and BAAM, for further information on how to Keep your Cool over Yule, www.stressexperts.co.uk, www.beatinganger.com and www.angermanage.co.uk.

May we at BAAM be the first to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

Friday, 22 November 2013

KATY BOURNE'S FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE BY MATT TAYLOR

Shadow Sussex Police & Crime Commissioner: KATY BOURNE'S FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE BY MATT TAYLOR: Katy Bourne has served her first full year in office as Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner. An impressive title, much like a gangster/p...

Sunday, 3 November 2013

Why We as Women Need to Ease Up On Men.


Originally posted on Daily Transformations.

This isn’t about the men that hurt on purpose, men that rape, or men that abandon their families. This is about the average Joe, the guy that loved his mama, tries his best and is still mystified by those of us that are female.
—-
I hear women question openly: What’s wrong with men? Why can’t they shoot straight? Why can’t they communicate?

We complain that men are shut down in one breath, and complain they’re too emotional in the next. 

The truth is, our men are striving for a balance in a world where the rules of masculinity keep changing.

I live in Boulder, Colorado, where a man is as likely to have a yoga mat in the back of his truck as his mountain bike. While yoga may open their hips and allow their minds to clear, there are still many guarded and wounded hearts in those classes. Both men and women have been wounded deeply. Men still struggle to make sense of women, while women experience men as closed off and shut down. The reality is, a man’s heart is as vulnerable as a woman’s, but the rules for men are laid out differently from the very beginning.

Here’s a great example of the difference:

While walking my dog, I met a boy in his young teens on a skateboard. His eyes were clear as they met mine and we engaged in a friendly chat. He was open and unguarded until my dog approached, then sharing with me that he once had a dog that looked like mine and was forced to give her away. In that moment, his face clouded, his eyes dimmed and the pain he carried was noticeable. His body language changed and his friendliness ceased.

My mouth hung open as he walked away without saying goodbye, and I realized I had just witnessed a clue as to why many men seem shut down.

Like many women, men are wounded early. The difference? Men are often forced to “buck up” and stuff their emotions rather than express them. Think about it: peers usually ostracize a crying boy over the age of 7.

Often juggling his ever-changing role with mom, he naturally starts to bond with dad and old rules such as “buck up, boys don’t cry and get over it” from prior generations are passed on once again. As years go by, a young boy’s heart becomes more and more protected with each new wound, no real outlet for emotions available. On the other hand, a great many women, regardless of their dysfunctional childhood, grow up and find comfort through female friendships—it’s considered normal to cry and vent, express emotion, and fall apart if necessary.

Men aren’t naturally encouraged to release their pain and express hurt, so to survive, they add armor to their hearts and stand guarded against further pain.

While we find comfort in our female friendships, many men say their only source of physical comfort is sex. I often wonder: Do men reach across the bed for sex when sometimes they’re just seeking solace?
The women I know all agree that witnessing an empowered man opening his heart, despite his wounding, and putting it all out there in a vulnerable way–that is sexy. Sexy, but not easy. Most men have been shamed in the past for asking for what they want. They’ve been shamed for wanting sex, shamed for feeling attraction and shamed for their vulnerability. It’s an uneasy playing field out there, actually a mine field, when you think about it.

Take a woman previously wounded by an aggressive man and have her approached by a man openly asking for what he wants and she may run. Makes you realize that the next woman he approaches may experience him as a man that dances around what he really wants–now afraid to ask openly. What a conundrum eh? Women are wounded and afraid to trust. Men are wounded and afraid to open.

So what can we do?
  • We, as women, can be patient when men talk with us, give them time and space to express themselves and understand that they don’t communicate like our female friends.
  • Bantering with girlfriends and talking over one another is common behavior when we gather together, but a man’s sharing is a different process. Men don’t jump from subject to subject. It’s not that they don’t want to share with us, it’s that often when they try to, we jump in and interrupt the flow.
  • We can count to 10 in our heads when they stop talking and give them a chance to speak again because 9 out of 10 times, they will.
  • We can have patience.
  • We can understand that a closed down reaction during a fight is most likely embarrassment and pain as our men realize they’ve disappointed us. We can take a step back and not take the lack of immediate communication as anger and instead, take a time out.
  • Most importantly we can remember that our man is not going to be like our female friends. Changing men is not the goal. Even if we successfully changed them, chances are we wouldn’t be attracted to them anymore.
  • By learning to decipher what appears to be shut down and angry behavior as deep wounding, we can find the patience needed to speak a different language with the men we love. Treating our men as we do our female friends is like walking into a French pastry shop, ordering something in Cantonese, and getting angry when we’re not understood. It may require a different language to show our love.



Wednesday, 9 October 2013

I'M ADDICTED TO STATS.


Its even affecting my relationship. My girlfriend hates me with my ipad.

“Its permanently attached to you” she'd say.

And its true. Its all I do. Pick up the ipad to check my stats.

I'M ADDICTED TO STATS!

I defend my addiction with the reasons:
  1. As the kids watch cartoons all day, I justify looking at the ipad because I can't get my news else-where. But I'm not really checking the news, I'm checking my Stats.
  2. As I don't read newspapers, I justify looking at the ipad as anyone else would look at the newspaper. But I'm not really checking the news, I'm checking my Stats.
I check my Stats on average every 10 minutes throughout the day. 8 am to 11 pm. Six times an hour. Fifteen hours awake, minus those hours working, cleaning, shitting and swimming, leaves ten hours. Ten times six equals sixty.

I'M CHECKING MY STAT'S 60 TIMES A-DAY.

Whether it massages my ego or simply releases an endorphins which gives me pleasure, I love watching my Stats.

Let's take the last article I wrote.

(Oh by the way, I'm a freelance writer. I get paid for writing blogs for the British Association of Anger Management by day and by night I write articles on political causes and state corruption.)

I knew it was the biggest article of my fledgling career and I was determined to make a splash.

Using Hootsuite I set the schedule to release a Facebook up-date and Tweet, every hour-on-the-hour to spread the link to my latest 'Sunday Scandal Shocker' article of a Disabled pensioner murder witness beaten up and left for dead.

I used the excuse of a 'Sunday Round-up' to publicise all the other stories I wrote that week. Weekend rounds are a perfect way to up the stats and I knew to expect good results.

Thus, as soon as the article went LIVE. I check the stats within the first three seconds.

3

“Wow”, I'd think “three people in three seconds.”

On average, I would expect to reach 20 in it's first 24 hours, so when I get a 100 by the end of the day, my ego is full and I'm eager to write another splash to match it's stats.

The graphs and in-depth analysis provided by Wordpress and Blogger is fantastic for any addict like me who loves Stats.

We can check where the views are coming from, how often and how long they stay. Then there is the global map which highlights the countries around the world that our articles are being read. Paraguay, Nigeria, Iceland and Australia. Its amazing and a massive ego stroke knowing that your words are being read by a person living on the other side of the world. And this is a perfect illustration of what makes Stats so addictive.

Knowing where your views are coming from is another piece of information invaluable to anyone addicted to Stats.

On one occasion I saw a considerable jump in views affect one particular article, I guessed immediately that Chris Spivey have been kind enough to publicise a link to my article on his blog.

Chris Spivey is a well known alternative journalist who is simply blowing away the cobwebs of the British Establishment and exposing every dark corner. In as much as Chris loves to promote relevant and well written articles on his website, I love introducing Chris Spivey to people who haven't heard of him before. www.chrisspivey.co.uk

A Chris Spivey link literally spikes my figures skywards. With up to 50,000 viewers a day to his site, I easily receive a thousand to my site via a link.

I'm boasting a thousand views a week now and my addiction continues.

Is there even a word for being addicted to statistics?

Since writing this for at least half an hour, I'm itching to check my stats. I'm posted a relevant email I got about MP's voting on a new Gagging Law in the Houses of Parliament today. As Simon Kirby MP (my local MP) will be voting, I posted an email I got from the 38 Degree's website, who has been lobbying against a new Gagging Law, which will make petitions and discontent a thing of the past.

As any good addict should, I shared the link of Facebook and Twitter, so lets quickly fire up the ipad and check the Stats.

There is always that wait while the ipad catches up with your wishes and loads the page. The wait gives your mind the time to guess. Will it be more or the same? The last time I checked it had 1 visitor and 6 views.

      2           12
Visitors    Views

Wow, its doubled within the hour. Result!!!

The endorphins flood my body and I'm on top of the world again!!!

Let's check the Blogger stats and keep this feeling going.

Earlier today I updated my personal blog with all the articles I wrote for the British Association of Anger Management.

The figures are 6,4,6,9. Yes all good but no double figures. A touch disappointed; but I know what to do to get those endorphins up again; check the overview.

Yep, just as I hoped, the line is facing skyward and thats all that matters. 41 views so far and its not even midday.

(Its always a killer when the counter reaches 199 and you spend the next hour checking the stats to see whether its broken the 200 mark. The spirit rises and drops, rises and drops. Eventually you get a boost when you read 206 and all is right with the world.)

I'm on target and on the upward spiral. My addiction has been feed for this ten minute interval and I can get back to work.

But you know as much as I do, I'll be back checking my Stats very soon...

Stressed Out Teachers


You can see the teachers in the playground take a collection deep breathe as the bell rings, mustering their strength to round up their class of kids and start the new day.
The statistics are shocking but just one tells the full picture. The National Association of Schoolmasters Union of Women Teachers (NASUWT), took a survey which revealed a whooping 76% of teachers believe that workplace stress is making them ill.
The pressures on teachers are increasing:
  • Marking books has always been the bane of any teacher’s daily chore and their workload isn’t getting any smaller. In fact with an increase in targets and bureaucracy, teachers workloads have spiralled out of control.
  • Ofcom inspections and criticism from all quarters, telling teachers how to teach.
  • Attack on their pay and conditions by hated politicians.

An equally worrying statistic is that 51% of teachers have considered leaving the profession in the past 12 months, followed up by an even worse one with 83% saying they feel constantly exhausted because of work.
You could imagine the whispered conversations in staff-rooms across the country, “I don’t know how much more I can take,” says one teacher to another, “the pressure goes up every day, and so does my stress level.” Another would be pulling their hair out, “I’m so stressed. Today a student who speaks limited English was added to my class, and tonight I have to mark report cards. On top of that I have an early breakfast meeting with parents,” while the Headmaster is confessing to his deputy, “Some days my school feels like a powder keg that’s about to explode.”
Teaching has never been so stressful.
Mike Fisher, the founder of the British Association of Anger Management, says anger management needs to be taught in every school across the land, to children, teachers and parents, as part of the national curriculum.
But what good would it do?
The most obvious benefit of combating stress in schools, will be happier schools, in which parents teachers and pupils do a better job and the kids benefit the most.
  • Pupils, teachers and parents will be more calm.
  • Pupils will be more confident and receptive to learning.
  • Classrooms will became exciting places to be.
  • Pupils will respond better to a stress free environment.
  • Behaviour will improve.

Anger management programs don’t promise to banish all the causes of stress in schools, but they do promise to teach pupils, teachers and parents alike, the strategies to deal with their anger issues in a more constructive way.
A simple exercise for any teacher.
As highlighted by Kelly McGonigal during a TED sponsored talk in Edinburgh, the belief that stress is what makes stress stressful is explored. Check out the link here.
So its with this in mind, why not try the well known Decide-First method?
  • Be quiet for a minute or two. Lock yourself in the store cupboard if you have to. Sit on a chair and take a moment or two to meditate.
  • Close your eyes, relax your body and take a deep breathe.
  • Make a decision there and then to remain calm and relaxed throughout the day, no matter what unforeseen circumstance come your way. 

Its that simple. Stay in the car, close your eyes and decide that no matter what happens, you won’t get stressed out about it.



As Kelly McGonigal said in her talk, “when you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage, and when you choose to connect with others under stress you create resilience.”
Its having that belief of being stress free which washes away the stress. Being stress free in the classroom, is a decision you make.
Stress doesn’t happen to you, you let it happen to you.
Check out what Mike Fisher and the British Association of Anger Management has to offer.
These websites www.stressexperts.co.ukwww.beatinganger.comwww.angermanage.co.uk are the perfect place to start.

Young People and Anger.


As society in general gets more and more angry with the world around them, it’s inevitable that their children will follow suit. Its commonly acknowledged that children are products of their upbringing and if anyone is to blame for their children’s behaviour, more often than not, you can point the finger at their parents.
But is it really fair?
Aren’t we all in the same boat, doing what we can to survive this ride we call life? Haven’t the parents got enough to deal with, as much as their children? Too many questions maybe, but questions worth asking. What makes young people angry? And can we as parents help them find peace with the world and peace with their inner emotions and feelings? In my book the answer will always be, yes we can!
What makes young people angry?
It’s the same for children and adults alike, but just in a different context. Jealously, rejection, anxiety, pressure and stress are felt by children as much as their parents. Children express their anger and stress in exactly the same way too. Adults and children alike shout, throw tantrums, smash things, throw things, hit things and hurt things. The things are also the same across the age spectrum, be it their toys, themselves or their loved ones.
It can be argued that children get a worse deal than adults because children’s worries are dismissed without hesitation. We’ve all heard of the ‘Children must be seen and not heard’ rule of a more stricter age, and children are shouted down as a matter of routine. Stop it, shut up, don’t be so silly. Teenagers are tarred with the same brush as a matter of course too. Even wearing a hoodie provokes scorn and criticism.
Is it any wonder our young people are becoming more angry than ever before?
Young people have never been under as much pressure to conform and behave. Do this, do that. Don’t do this and don’t do that. And of course, smile while you’re doing it and appreciate it too. Young people from their grib to their last day at school, are bombarded with advice from adults who don’t necessarily know whether what they are advising is correct or not. Aren’t we all making it up as we go along?
What can we do to help?
Mike Fisher, founder of the British Association of Anger Management would say “If you really want to sort out problem youngsters you may need to start by getting help with your own anger issues.”
He goes on further to say, “A child learns from example, and the angry parent spawns the sadistic bully of a child we read about with alarming frequency in the media.” This stark observation demonstrates in no uncertain terms, that to help our young people deal with angry, we must first address our own anger.

Young people are the unseen and unacknowledged victims of their parent’s fury. While parents argue, scream and shout, its easy to forget that their children hear every cruel word being spoken, and with each cruel word spoken, an indelible mark is inflicted.
Is it any wonder the NSPCC’s child-line is being rung non-stop?
Leaving the last word to Mike Fisher, “A child emulates what he sees, angry behaviour rubs off in many ways. For example, a child from an angry household won’t respond to reason when he gets to school, he won’t understand relationships which don’t display anger. Education then suffers, leading to career prospects suffering and on into criminality. The cost to society is enormous.”
His warning is stark and to the bone, if the parents don’t deal with their anger, their children will suffer.
For more information about Mike Fisher and the British Association of Anger Management check out his websites at www.beatinganger.comwww.angerguru.com andwww.stressexperts.co.uk.