Wednesday, 9 October 2013

I'M ADDICTED TO STATS.


Its even affecting my relationship. My girlfriend hates me with my ipad.

“Its permanently attached to you” she'd say.

And its true. Its all I do. Pick up the ipad to check my stats.

I'M ADDICTED TO STATS!

I defend my addiction with the reasons:
  1. As the kids watch cartoons all day, I justify looking at the ipad because I can't get my news else-where. But I'm not really checking the news, I'm checking my Stats.
  2. As I don't read newspapers, I justify looking at the ipad as anyone else would look at the newspaper. But I'm not really checking the news, I'm checking my Stats.
I check my Stats on average every 10 minutes throughout the day. 8 am to 11 pm. Six times an hour. Fifteen hours awake, minus those hours working, cleaning, shitting and swimming, leaves ten hours. Ten times six equals sixty.

I'M CHECKING MY STAT'S 60 TIMES A-DAY.

Whether it massages my ego or simply releases an endorphins which gives me pleasure, I love watching my Stats.

Let's take the last article I wrote.

(Oh by the way, I'm a freelance writer. I get paid for writing blogs for the British Association of Anger Management by day and by night I write articles on political causes and state corruption.)

I knew it was the biggest article of my fledgling career and I was determined to make a splash.

Using Hootsuite I set the schedule to release a Facebook up-date and Tweet, every hour-on-the-hour to spread the link to my latest 'Sunday Scandal Shocker' article of a Disabled pensioner murder witness beaten up and left for dead.

I used the excuse of a 'Sunday Round-up' to publicise all the other stories I wrote that week. Weekend rounds are a perfect way to up the stats and I knew to expect good results.

Thus, as soon as the article went LIVE. I check the stats within the first three seconds.

3

“Wow”, I'd think “three people in three seconds.”

On average, I would expect to reach 20 in it's first 24 hours, so when I get a 100 by the end of the day, my ego is full and I'm eager to write another splash to match it's stats.

The graphs and in-depth analysis provided by Wordpress and Blogger is fantastic for any addict like me who loves Stats.

We can check where the views are coming from, how often and how long they stay. Then there is the global map which highlights the countries around the world that our articles are being read. Paraguay, Nigeria, Iceland and Australia. Its amazing and a massive ego stroke knowing that your words are being read by a person living on the other side of the world. And this is a perfect illustration of what makes Stats so addictive.

Knowing where your views are coming from is another piece of information invaluable to anyone addicted to Stats.

On one occasion I saw a considerable jump in views affect one particular article, I guessed immediately that Chris Spivey have been kind enough to publicise a link to my article on his blog.

Chris Spivey is a well known alternative journalist who is simply blowing away the cobwebs of the British Establishment and exposing every dark corner. In as much as Chris loves to promote relevant and well written articles on his website, I love introducing Chris Spivey to people who haven't heard of him before. www.chrisspivey.co.uk

A Chris Spivey link literally spikes my figures skywards. With up to 50,000 viewers a day to his site, I easily receive a thousand to my site via a link.

I'm boasting a thousand views a week now and my addiction continues.

Is there even a word for being addicted to statistics?

Since writing this for at least half an hour, I'm itching to check my stats. I'm posted a relevant email I got about MP's voting on a new Gagging Law in the Houses of Parliament today. As Simon Kirby MP (my local MP) will be voting, I posted an email I got from the 38 Degree's website, who has been lobbying against a new Gagging Law, which will make petitions and discontent a thing of the past.

As any good addict should, I shared the link of Facebook and Twitter, so lets quickly fire up the ipad and check the Stats.

There is always that wait while the ipad catches up with your wishes and loads the page. The wait gives your mind the time to guess. Will it be more or the same? The last time I checked it had 1 visitor and 6 views.

      2           12
Visitors    Views

Wow, its doubled within the hour. Result!!!

The endorphins flood my body and I'm on top of the world again!!!

Let's check the Blogger stats and keep this feeling going.

Earlier today I updated my personal blog with all the articles I wrote for the British Association of Anger Management.

The figures are 6,4,6,9. Yes all good but no double figures. A touch disappointed; but I know what to do to get those endorphins up again; check the overview.

Yep, just as I hoped, the line is facing skyward and thats all that matters. 41 views so far and its not even midday.

(Its always a killer when the counter reaches 199 and you spend the next hour checking the stats to see whether its broken the 200 mark. The spirit rises and drops, rises and drops. Eventually you get a boost when you read 206 and all is right with the world.)

I'm on target and on the upward spiral. My addiction has been feed for this ten minute interval and I can get back to work.

But you know as much as I do, I'll be back checking my Stats very soon...

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