ANGRY COUPLES.

When the opportunity came to attend one of Mike Fisher's British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) weekend courses, I grabbed it with both two hands.

I'll be totally honest with you. I've been in a relationship for eleven years now and since having kids, its fair to say that I've been angry everyday since. Don't get me wrong, I love my partner and I love our kids. As is the case in many relationships, its not an issue of love, sex or attraction, but rather how couples react to anger and disappointment, which dictates whether they live in joyful bliss or abstract misery.

We get on like a house-on-fire when the kids are at school. When its peaceful and quiet, we love each other as friends should, but come breakfast, lunch, dinner, bath time and bed time, we're stressed out and getting angrier by the minute; and more often than not, we end up bickering like brother and sister.

And that is exactly what Mike Fisher touches upon during his course. He got us to think of the last time we were at boiling point, and then stopped us and asked how old we were feeling at that precise moment. We all confessed to feeling as if we were kids again. Seven years old being shouted at by mum, feeling ashamed and scared, nine years old and having a fight with our sister or ten years old and on the verge of tears while dad shouts in your face over a minor misdemeanour. Its true, we all revert back to being kids when we get angry with each other; we “regress” as Mike would say.

So I jumped at the chance of attending Mike Fisher's anger management course because my anger was ruining my relationship and scaring my kids. Something, meaning me, had to change.

Don't take things personally.

I've lost count how many times my partner said something to me which I've assumed to mean something completely different? All of a sudden my back is up and I'm in defensive mode. Without double checking exactly what she meant, I'm assuming the worst. As a consequence, she takes it personally and all of a sudden the Cold War is in full swing and we've put up our Berlin Walls to protect ourselves.

This is just the start; without Mike's help I would have escalated the situation by launching into a verbal assault of anger and fury. Name-calling is always easy, recollecting past offences always fuels the fire, so does swearing, slamming things, throwing things and punching things. More often than not physical violence ends the battle but prolongs the suffering for the couples and their families. Of-course the battle wounds last forever especially for the kids.

Mike reminds us to 'don't take anything personally' but its hard when the person we are meant to love says such cruel and heartless things to us. But what we have to remember is that everything said during the red mist of anger, is only spoken until enough rage and fury has built up to force them out.

Mike would talk about our primary needs, that we all need to be valued, appreciated, safe, acknowledged, held, trusted and loved. We look at our partners to provide these 'needs', and when they aren't met we get angry and scared.

So what does Mike say about getting what you need from your partner?

Its about “Expressing your anger cleanly” he'd say, and recommend the clearing technique which I've used on many occasions to control my anger.

Here is a quick version of The Clearing Progress to help you. Make sure you know the facts relating to the conflict, assume nothing and don't take things personally!

Fill in your own words as you say....

I feel..... angry with you.

Because..... I have asked you ten times to clean out your hairs from the plug hole!

When..... my mum and dad had argument about this I felt really scared and confused.

What I want is..... when I ask you to do something and you say yes, please do it!

What I am willing to own about my behaviour is..... often I do not follow through on commitment that I make.

Words of Wisdom.

I'll leave you with some words of wisdom as told by an ancient Indian sage.

A question was asked, "When people are angry, why do they shout at each other?"

“Because when we lose our calm, we shout," came an answer.

"Granted," said the sage, "but, why should you raise your voice when the other person is just next to you? It's not that he's hearing you better that way. You can still make your point without shouting at the top of your voice.

Anger immediately creates a distance. When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are no longer close, their emotions are divided and they go miles apart. To cover that distance they yell. The angrier they are, the louder they shout. They are no longer in mode of love, of acceptance, of proximity. They are unable to hear each other, shouting is how they believe they can be heard.

And! what happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, they almost whisper, because their hearts are very close. There's little or no distance between them.

When they love each other even more, they exchange even less words, more softly, they murmur, they whisper, yet they hear each other better, their bond strengthens, their love prospers. Finally, they may not even whisper, they only look at each other, silence becomes more potent than speech, that's how close two people can get when they are in love.”

Mike Fisher's anger management workshop saved my relationship by teaching me to understand my anger and to deal with it in a way I never knew possible.

If you are angry like me, then check out Mike's websites at www.stressexperts.co.uk, www.beatinganger.com and www.angerguru.com and get the help you need.

ANGER IN PRISONS

Two pieces of news this week got me thinking about anger in UK prisons. Number one follows comments from the director of public prosecutions Keir Starmer QC, who says its time to make benefit cheats serve longer jail terms of up to 10 years. The second follows a Commons Justice committee reports that says more elderly sex offenders are being jailed than ever before.

Two pieces of news that make me wonder what effect it'll have on the well-being of all prisoners in the system. Will an influx of elderly perverts tip the balance or will an increase in swindlers break the camels back and push the UK prison population into the red mist? After-all, convicted criminals aren't exactly known for their gentle dispositions and tolerant natures.

Being deprived of your freedom is punishment enough, but prisoners must also deal with the constant supervision and control of their movements and interactions. Locked behind bars for up to twenty-three hours a day, left to stew over their own failings and stupidity, is enough to make anyone angry. Angry at themselves, the world, the system, their parents and God Almighty.

In fact, prison is the perfect place for anger to grow and prosper.

Controlling Anger in Prisons.

Anger management programmes have enjoyed a varying degree of success in UK prisons. At one point in 2006 the Home Office significantly scaled back their anger management courses citing them to be “counter-productive,' after a City financier was killed by a prisoner who had just been released from prison after serving six years for attempted murder. He attended twenty-four sessions of an anger management course, which helped convince the parole board to let him go free, but with hindsight it was argued, the course had done nothing to tackle his violent behaviour.

From nearly fifty different programmes available covering alcohol, sex, reoffending and health programmes, prison chiefs acknowledge anger in UK prisons is an on-going problem in which they are still looking for solutions and programmes to deal with it.

Some call in the services of therapeutic practitioners, who use yoga and breathing techniques to help the men relax and control their aggression, while others use more accredited programmes such as CALM (Controlling Anger and Learning to Manage it) which is more of an emotional management programme, to ART (Aggression Replacement Training), which seeks to challenge offenders to accept responsibility for their crime and its consequences, to TSP (Thinking Skills Programme) which focuses on supporting offenders to develop skills in setting goals and making plans to achieve them without offending.

Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) is also playing a role in UK prisons. Working alongside Linda Bolland who runs programmes at HMP SEND in Surrey with excellent results, he has recently been commissioned to run programmes in a London prison, reducing reoffending rates amongst young offenders and defusing the ticking time bombs about to explode in every prison cell.

What makes prisoners happy?

Other than being let out early or better yet, getting away with a suspended sentence, a TV in their cell is a small luxury which no prisoner would scoff at. Though a TV makes a prisoner very happy, it evokes anger from the taxpayer, especially when its revealed hospital patients are charged £42 a week for watching TV, while prisoners are only charged £1 a week.

Striking the happy medium of keeping prisoners happy and keeping those paying for prisons happy is a delicate balancing act.

Its a Catch 22.

Stress leads to anger and anger leads stress, its a vicious circle. Being able to identify your anger for what it is and having the tools to step out of the circle of anger, is something anyone can achieve.

Mike Fisher and BAAM has helped over 16,000 people nationwide deal with their anger problems and continues to blaze new trails in the anger management world.

To learn more about what Mike Fisher offers check out his websites www.stressexperts.co.uk, www.beatinganger.com and www.angerguru.com, or better yet book yourself a space on his FREE 1 HOUR WEBINAR, on Thursday 26th September 2013, between 7-8pm.

Follow this link http://www.beatinganger.com/free-webinar for everything you need to know.

Stress in Police Service

Stress in the Police Force.

Following the news that Ian Tomlinson’s family has won an apology from the Metropolitan police over his ‘unlawful killing’ in 2009, tells us a lot about the stress and strain facing our modern day police force.

PC Simon Harwood, while in riot gear, struck Ian Tomlinson on the leg with a baton before shoving him violently to the pavement, minutes before his fatal collapse, during the G20 protests.

Having learnt the Simon Harwood had a string of previous disciplinary hearings, makes you question what makes a man lash out with such anger.

As with millions of men and women across the country, anger strikes at any moment and against anyone in the firing line.

It’s a tough job.

The cost of Police stress to the taxpayer is incalculable. Having to save £40m by 2015, more and more job cuts are being announced, and police officers have never felt so under threat. The Metropolitan Police, the largest force in England and Wales, lost 27,437 working days to stress in 2012. 

More shocking is that 8,000 police officers were receiving full salaries while working as little as one hour a day on ‘restrictive or recuperative duties’, due to stress, with a total wage bill of £248 million a year. 

In Essex alone, police officers took 9,139 days off due to stress last year – a sharp rise on the 4,594 sick days recorded in 2010.

Cuts to front-line police officers in Nottinghamshire have resulted in more officers taking time off work with stress, up to 3,806 days lost in 2012, compared to 2,023 in 2008.

Stress in the police force is something we all suffer from.

First Responders.

Police officers suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as much as the Army, Ambulance, doctors and nursing staff. Responding to traumatic events, such as fatal road traffic accidents, murder scenes and domestic abuse, significantly increases the chances of chronic stress in their lives.

Police & relationships.

With the high levels of stress, come high levels of divorce. The police divorce rates are more than double of the national average, taking into account the shifts police officers work and the dangers they face.

Police Dangers.

Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management teaches us that stress is the cause of anger. Lashing out at a passerby is never condoned but is predictable given the statistics of domestic abuse in the UK alone, affects 1 in 4 women.

Combating Stress in the Police force.

Police chiefs understand the demands on the police service are enormous. They are getting better at identifying what is stressful to its officers and trying to stop these things becoming problems, by addressing their roots causes.

The British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) courses.

Mike Fisher, founder of BAAM has helped over 16,000 people since 1996, by teaching them the tools to control anger and lower stress levels. Police chiefs across the country would be wise to pay attention and police officers would be wise to sign up to Mike’s courses under their own innovative.

For more information about BAAM and their programmes, check out the www.angermanage.co.uk, www.beatinganger.com and www.stressexperts.co.ukwebsites.

The more we understand about stress and anger the more we can protect ourselves and the general public from its unhealthy and often fatal, consequences.

Is Stress Making You Fat?

Stress Eating!!

Recent scientific studies have shown that stress has a direct result on weight, be it over eating or under-eating. Experiments on volunteers at the Cambridge University found serotonin levels affect the amygdale region in the brain, which makes us angry.

The experiments involved recording the brain’s reaction while viewing angry, sad and neutral facial expressions. Feed with diets which either raised the level of serotonin, or lowered it, they were able to conclude that when the body starts to feel hungry, levels of serotonin fall, causing a flux of emotions to burst forward from the amygdale part of the brain which causes us to become anxious, stressed and angry.

The conclusion is quite simple really. To stop your serotonin levels from falling and as a consequence, making us angry and stressed, stock up on foods which boost the serotonin levels, such as pumpkin seeds, walnuts, avocado, dates and bananas.

Making the right food choices?

At a recent British Association of Anger Management intensive weekend course, Mike Fisher commented that all the biscuits were being eaten, while all the fruit wasn’t. This is predictable because when stressed, the body craves food that is high in fat or sugar.

Serotonin is a chemical which makes your body feel good, and this is exactly what we want to feel when we are stressed, angry and depressed. All too often, we’ll reach for the carbohydrates in the form of muffins, doughnuts and biscuits to comfort ourselves, when we should be reaching for fruit and nuts. This is where the conflict arises. When we are stressed we don’t make the best choices and this includes what we eat.

Getting angry and stressed takes up a lot of energy and we eat into our natural reserves. As stress is being linked with weight issues, we need a greater understanding of the connection between stress and weight to combat the obesity epidemic facing the country.

Stress is a part of modern day life and by understanding the mechanics of our minds and bodies, we are more equipped to deal with our stress and see it for what it really is.

What is the connection between stress and blood sugar?

When we are stressed our body works overtime to cope, by releasing a mixture of hormones, namely epinephrine and adrenaline, which gives us the energy to reach the end of the day.

The body also releases glucose which is of special interest to diabetics, because for diabetics the amount of glucose in their blood is too high.

Even though stress hasn’t been proven to cause diabetes, it has been proven to trigger changes in blood sugar levels which can be a problem for people with diabetes.

Mental or emotional stress has mixed effects, depending on the type of diabetes you have. For type 1 diabetes, mental stress can increase or decrease blood sugar levels and for type 2 diabetes, mental stress generally increases blood sugar levels.

Dealing with your stress?

It’s now evident that dealing with stress is the biggest obstacle we have in finding our inner peace and happiness. Stress comes at us from all angles and it’s only natural that the challenge may seem daunting.

But think again: Other than regular exercise, mediation and Mike Fisher’s intensive weekend courses; your diet can play the ultimate role in reducing stress.

Like millions in the UK, we reach for high-fat, high-sugar snacks when we’re feeling down. But don’t think you are alone in doing so. You aren’t. We are all prone to comfort eating.

The good news is that you now have the information to break the cycle and to break the habit.

It really is as simple as making better food choices.

Find out further how to minimize the stress in your life by visiting Mike Fisher’s British Association of Anger Management websites such aswww.angermanage.co.uk, www.stressexperts.co.uk and www.beatinganger.com.

By focusing on your diet and the choices you make when you are angry and stressed, you can change your life, beat stress and keep your figure in shape.

When stress is good for you?

According to Mike Fisher’s ‘Beating Anger’ book, there are two forms of stress, eustress and distress, healthy and potentially destructive.

While most of us see stress in negative terms, a small amount of it helps us achieve a high performance and can actually be good for health.

High flying executives working in high pressures jobs strive on eustress and wouldn’t choose to live without it. It motivates people to do their very best and triggers an alarm in their subconscious if they aren’t working to their peak performance.

It could even be argued that eustress is fundamental for living fully. Without it our lives could become meaningless. We wouldn’t care about goals or overcoming challenges. Without eustress we may not have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Eustress?
Eustress has become a term used to describe the feeling of, for example, inheriting a large sum of money or receiving an unexpected promotion.

Imagine you won the lottery… For the next few months you will be under eustress as you decide what to do with your millions. It’s the kind of stress you’ll gladly welcome with open arms, as you decide what to invest in first.

Eustress motivates you to be more than you ever imagined. Eustress is winning the promotion and then having to deliver the goods.

Eustress is the stress of winning and achieving, while destructive stress on the other hand, is distress. It’s related to being overwhelmed, becoming depressed and not coping.
Distress de-motivates us, wear and tears us down and can lead to chronic exhaustion. Unchecked distress leads to fatigue (chronic stress), which in turn, becomes a trigger for anger and in turn affects your safety, health, wealth and relationships.

Distress is what keeps you in bed unwilling to get up to tackle the day. It reinforces your low self esteem and makes you feel as if your life is a disaster area, you’re wasting your life away and that the world is against you.

How to get more?
Too much of a good thing eventually becomes unhealthy … But don’t let that deter you. If stress is inevitable in our daily life, it only makes sense to strategically take what you need and discard the rest.
A simple way to build eustress and dump distress is to cut out the things you do which drain and exhaust you.
Choose the things in life which nourish you and increase your happiness.
One way to decide what is a eustress or distress activity is simply to recognize your feelings towards it. Do you feel excited about doing it? Or is it a ‘want to’ activity as compared to a ‘have to’ activity?

Mike Fisher

We all experience distress and eustress. It’s become an unavoidable part of modern day life. However, as Mike Fisher points out, the trick is to maintain a balance between positive and negative stress in our lives.

Boundary Setting
It’s a matter of making yourself the biggest priority in your own life! Being courageous enough to say ‘no thanks, that’s far too stressful for me’, and instead say ‘Wow, that sounds challenging, I’ll give it a go,’ is an ideal tool in dumping distress and taking onboard eustress.

Notice how you feel and listen carefully to your intuition. If a task gives you a deflated, scared and loathsome feeling, then it usually means the task will only add to your distress and bring on its common symptoms, where-as, if the task gives you butterflies and an excited nervousness in the pit of your stomach, then you’ve cracked it. You’ve discarded distress and replaced it with eustress.
Well done. 

How to change distress into eustress?
There is no magic formula, but you can change your perception of what stress is and shift its perception to change its experience.
Stress is a reaction to perceived threat. Hence the logic says that if you don’t perceive something as a threat, then there will be no stress responding to it.
Changing your perception of threats to challenges, changes distress to eustress. Only by taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture, can you see threats as potential benefits to be exploited and used for your own benefit.
Once you start policing your thoughts, you’ll come to look at things as challenges more often.
So to recap, it’s important to have eustress in your life. The effort is to cut out as much distress as possible by changing our perception of stress, and adding positive activities to our lives which promote eustress.

As with everything in life, it’s about balance.

What to do next?
Beating stress and knowing the difference between eustress and distress has become a science. Though relax. Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management has spent the last 16 years perfecting the tools to beat stress and having helped over 16,000 people and still counting, I couldn’t recommend you more to check out his websites www.stressexperts.co.uk and www.beatinganger.com for more practical advice on beating stress and anger.

The Glasgow Effect.

Addiction to drink and drugs are prevalent throughout UK cities, but Glasgow’s mortality rates far exceed any in the UK.

As home to 10% of Scotland’s population, Glasgow’s problems are very much Scotland’s problems. With heroin deaths accounting for 35% of all deaths, and alcohol linked to 22% of all deaths, Glasgow has got issues.

What can be done?

The first step is acknowledging your drink and drug problems.

Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management (B.A.A.M) would call anyone who does as ‘heroic’.

Having worked with over 16,000 people since 1996, he would say ‘It’s heroic of anyone to acknowledge their addiction and to take steps to beat it.’

Mike’s philosophy is that we turn to drink and alcohol to numb ourselves from the trauma of our anger.

Beating anger is the key to changing your life.

As someone who’s been on a B.A.A.M weekend workshop, I can testify that Mike’s methods change lives.

As he said on the first day to us ‘This will change your life’ and as a client said on the last day ‘WOW Mike, you have changed my life’.

His methods work.

Mike Fisher has the skills, experience and know-how to teach you the tools to beat anger once and for all. He’s not promising to eliminate your anger, he’s guaranteeing to teach you the tools to control your anger and in the process change your life forever.

Mike Fisher is now taking bookings for his Glasgow workshop.

For anyone who suffers from anger or knows someone who has anger problems, they would be well advised to check out his websites www.stressexperts.co.uk,www.beatinganger.com and www.angerguru.com for more information about his programmes.

If ever there is a time to save your life from anger, now is the time.

Heat-waves and anger!

The whole country is basking in a heat-wave. The beaches are full, the parks packed and the sales of ice cream are going through the roof.

But is this heat-wave leaving people cool calm and collected or is it leaving them hot under the collar and ready to blow?

A person’s level of anger and stress is a response to their environment. Police chiefs and medical staff are more than aware of this as heat-waves are associated with an increase in violent crime.

But how do heat-waves affect families and individuals?

As the temperature gets hotter, so do our tempers. Summer heat-waves make us act like cranky, whiny toddlers, ready to lash out and apportion blame.

Any doctor would explain that an increase in body temperature causes an increase in physical arousal – your heart rate goes up and your blood pressure rises as your body tries to cool itself off.

Its all very well sitting by the seaside, licking an ice-lolly and sipping a cool drink, but for many of us, heat-waves mean being uncomfortable, irritable and more prone than ever, to anger and stress.

Normally congenial folks seem to be simmering, while others are on a slow burn. Hotter heads are steaming, and a few have even been pushed to the boiling point.

Health officials are warning people to take care as the UK continues to bake in a prolonged heat-wave, with special attention being paid towards the very young children, elderly people and pregnant women.

When it’s very hot, people have a tendency to get dehydrated or under-hydrated, and that can certainly result in becoming anxious and irritable, so it’s very important to maintain hydration.

With records for the hottest day of the year appearing to be broken on a daily basis, its best that everyone takes measures to stay cool and not to over-boil.

Five ways to keep cool calm and collected.

Stay hydrated.
This one is obvious but it bears repeating: drink lots of water. Never stop drinking water.

Stay inside if you can.
We all love to bask in the sunshine, but keeping in the shade, keeps us from boiling over.

Get wet.
Stick your feet in a tub of cold water, jump in the sea or a swimming pool, or just put a soaked towel around your neck. Having a bucket full of water thrown over you always cools the temper!

Avoid alcoholic drinks.
There’s nothing better than a cold beer on a hot day, but alcoholic drinks make you urinate more frequently and that’s not good. Same goes for coffee.

Keep covered.
Wear sunscreen to avoid sunburn and try to stay out of the sun as much as possible, even if you are spending the day outside. If a sun umbrella sounds too dainty for you, at least put on a hat.

Heat-waves are there to be enjoyed and savoured but be aware of the dangers. Sunburn isn’t the only symptom of a beating Sun. Anger and stress levels are very often raised but with sound advice and a cool head; there is no reason to get too hot under the collar and no reason to boil over.

For more information on keeping your temper cooled, check out the websites of the British Association of Anger Management, such as www.stressexperts.co.uk,www.beatinganger.com and www.angermanage.co.uk.

Enjoy the sun but don’t become its victim.

Depression and Aggression

It’s common practice to greet friends, colleagues and family with the opening question, ‘How are you today?’

More often than not we reply with the short answer, ‘OK’.

Even if you are feeling depressed, would you admit it? If you are feeling sad or miserable; is it common to share these feelings?

More often than not, we are prone to answer ‘OK’ rather than be open about our inner emotions.

But is it healthy to keep such emotions bottled up? Can depression lead to aggression?

In its mildest form depression can mean just being in low spirits. To its most extreme, it makes you feel suicidal. Being depressed doesn’t stop you leading a normal life. Thousands of sufferers carry on with life regardless, with the only symptoms being mood swings, bouts of annoyance and feelings of hopelessness.

Aggression makes an appearance as a consequence of depression. It’s there under the surface ready to show its head in the most unwanted of occasions.

How often do you see mild mannered individuals grimace for no apparent reason? Or clutch their fists tight or even hit the wall or kick an object out of sight?

Whether it's uncontrollable anger towards oneself or outward aggression toward others, whether a person or object, it's clinically proven that depression and aggression run hand in hand.

What to look out for?

Symptoms of depression vary from person to person, though common threads do appear across the board.

• Feelings of sadness and gloom can either make you sleep too much or not sleep enough. If your sleeping pattern is being disturbed, it’s a sign.
• Do simple tasks become a major annoyance? If you find you have trouble concentrating and that simple tasks become major obstacles, it’s a sign.
• We all have feelings of being up and down. Everyone feels sad or has ‘the blues’ from time to time, but if feelings of hopelessness and helplessness persist, it’s a sign.
• Again, we all have light and dark thoughts racing around our minds. The Yin and Yang philosophy teaches us that you can’t have one without the other. If you find you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try, it’s a sign.
• Losing your appetite or you can’t stop eating, is a sign.
• Feeling more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual, is a sign.
• Consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior, is a sign too.
• And the most alarming sign, which you must seek help immediately with, is having thoughts that life is not worth living.

Why am I depressed?

Life throws up a varying array of challenges which manifest themselves into depression, which in itself leads to aggression. To name but a few reasons:

• Loneliness
• Lack of support
• Life experiences, such as child-hood trauma or abuse.
• Marital and relationship problems.
• Financial strain.
• Being unemployment or even underemployed.
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Health problems and chronic pain.

What can I do?

Acknowledging your depression and aggression is the first step to dealing with depression and aggression. Whether it’s affecting your work life, or family life, help is at hand.

Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management has over 16 years experience of treating depression and aggression.

Learning what causes anger and what can be done to avoid becoming angry are among the main focuses of treatment. Also important is learning what to do when becoming angry and finding positive ways to focus feelings instead of becoming aggressive in response.

By visiting the websites www.stressexperts.co.uk, www.beatinganger.com and www.angerguru.com, you will find a number of programmes from weekend work shops, to 1-1 coaching sessions, to one day courses, which are all designed to beat and overcome depression and aggression.

Mike Fisher is happy to help with any questions, queries or enquiries you may have.

Give him a call now and beat the stress once and for all.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

Are you a bully like Charles Saatchi?

Charles Saatchi, the 70 year old art collector and co-founder of the famous Saatchi & Saatchi advertising agency, has opened the doors of his private life to tell the world he’s divorcing his wife of 10 years, Nigella Lawson.

Whether opening the doors into his private life was intentional or not, they were blown apart, after shocking pictures of him grasping his wife’s throat were splashed across the front-pages 4 weeks ago.

The pictures bring into focus the taboo subject of domestic abuse, illustrating the shocking truth, that even a ‘Domestic Goddess’ of Nigella’s stature, can be a victim. But what else does it say about the millions of men who bully their partners on a daily basis?

 At the most extreme, one woman is killed through domestic abuse every three days. It accounts for nearly a quarter of all reported crime and one in four women will be a victim of domestic abuse at sometime in their lives.

This doesn’t even begin to touch upon the impact domestic abuse has on children and as a consequence, the future of an entire nation. The facts speak for themselves; a large section of men across the country would have looked at the Charles and Nigella picture and thought she deserved it.

Mike Fisher from the British Association of Anger Management has over 16 years experience in the field of personal and professional development with a focus on stress and anger and knows better than anyone the impact abuse has on people’s lives.

He says ‘We recognize that a very high percentage of both men women and children who came to us especially for anger management suffered from very high levels of stress. As Director and CEO of Stress Experts, Beating Anger & Anger Guru, he’s developed a one day and two day workshops, focusing on ‘Beating Stress’ born out of anger management programs honed over 26 years of experience.

He says ‘Stressexperts’ is designed for anyone who recognizes they are experiencing very high levels of stress which eventually turn into anger, frustration and fury.’

It’s not marriage guidance which Charles and Nigella need, its Mike Fisher.

Stress and anger affect all walks of life

Stress and anger is a part of our makeup.  After all, isn’t it just the secretion of chemicals and hormones within the body that determine whether we fight or take flight?

Charles Saatchi was punished with a police caution. Whether police cautions are effective deterrents against domestic abuse is debatable, but you can be sure they won’t succeed in addressing the issues of why a man assaults a women in the first place.

It just goes to show, the rich and famous aren’t the only victims of domestic abuse, stress and anger. Saatchi says in his statement ‘I abhor violence of any kind against women and have never abused her physically in any way,’ dismissing the incident as nothing more than a ‘Playful tiff’.

He goes on to say how disappointed he was that Nigella failed to make a public statement backing up his non-violent credentials. Perhaps Nigella’s continuing silence, illustrates perfectly that this wasn’t the first time. That in fact, it’s the latest in a long line of assaults she’s endured, both in public and private. Though Saatchi reiterates ‘I must stress again my actions were not violent.’

Perhaps we shouldn’t throw stones in glass houses and give Charles Saatchi the benefit of the doubt. The stress and strain of life can push anyone to the limits of their anger. If looking at the picture made you think about your own relationship, help is at hand.

Mike Fisher from British Association of Anger Management is only a phone call away, and as a Guru on the subject he welcomes your call.

Check out the www.stressexperts.co.uk and www.beatinganger.com websites and stop bullying, full stop.