Sunday, 31 January 2016

AVALON TELEVISION WRITER APPLICATION.


Avalon television have invited submissions from comedy writers for a new satire show to be hosted by Matt Forde. The deadline is 31st January, full submissions brief below.
SUBMISSIONS BRIEF
We are making a pilot for a new satire show for BBC Two called Unspun. It will be a mix of political guests, jokes and special features. We’re looking for people to join us making the show; creating content, writing material and coming up with ideas for show features. If that sounds like the kind of thing you’re into then we’d like to hear from you. If you are a writer or writer/performer then we’d like you to get involved. There are opportunities for both writers and performers on the show. If you’d like to be considered then please send us the following two things: 1. A side of A4 topical writing which gives us a flavour of your writing style, personality, interest in politics and popular culture.
This is completely open to your interpretation so long as it’s topical, we don’t mind what form you use. We are looking for both strong humour and an understanding of how to structure your bits so please do make whatever you do have shape. 2. Two ideas that you think would fit well in this satire based show.
These would be a self-contained section that would occur in every episode across a series. The best versions of these are original and most importantly, simple. In tone these ideas can be as ‘straight’ or as silly as you like. It’s up to you.
We are not interested in previous work, experience, or any of that: These are blind submissions We are looking for the people who best fit this show so it’s important we get a feel for your style. Don’t try to second-guess what tone this show will be; make things in your voice. Please send your submissions to info@avalonuk.com by the closing date of January 31, 2016.

I would dearly love to be apart of the new satire show produced by Avalon Television. It'll be a dream come true. I can't even begin to describe how I'd feel and react if I had the opportunity to write for a cutting edge political satire show, but I'll try- I expect every single atom in my body would tingle and then literally explode with excitement.

I've been a Royal Military Policeman and know how to conduct myself, even though my criticism of political and royal figures is scathing and even treasonous. I'm more than capable of toning myself down to appease the BBC management and a semi-compliant audience.

Let me put it into perceptive; the last 3 jobs I've applied for are:

  • £18K a year Recruitment Consultant for the Health Industry.
  • £35K a year Bid Writing for the Construction Industry.
  • £85K a year Police Crime Commissioner for the Public/Government Sector.

Alas I never got the £18K a year recruitment job. Their excuse was that my evident passion for writing make me unsuitable and that I should stick with my dream of for writing for a living.

Writing for a satirical political show is my dream. Please make my dream come true.

ABOUT ME.

I really got active in politics in 1997 following the landslide Labour victory under Tony Blair. I was living in a flat with my mother in Hove and we were totally broke, on the verge of starvation and desperate for a saviour to come into our lives and show us the path to salvation.

I remember looking at an empty page of paper and asking God to give me the answer to our predicament. God responded by pointing his finger at me saying, “You are the answer you've been looking for. If anyone is going to get you out of this mess its going to be you.”

It was then and there that I resolved to start a political party. The goal was to save our society and save myself in the process. That day the SOS (Save Our Society) Party started and giving myself 20 years to make a success of it, I'm still going today.

Since then I've gone from strength to strength, ticking the boxes along the way. Deciding from the outset to be unlike any other politician in the world, I vowed to use comedy and entertainment to win votes and fans alike.

In 2012 I stood in the Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner elections in which I caused quite a stir vowing to sack the Chief Constable if I was elected. Sadly I had to pull out at the 11th hour, but having participated at 7 hustings I did enough to get my message across and my name known.


In 2015 I stood as an independent parliamentary candidate in Brighton Kemptown election and came last with 69 votes. I'm not disheartened though. Everything that could go wrong went wrong and having been sabotaged by dark forces I'm proud of how I conducted myself and how I reacted to adversity.

This year I'm standing in the Police and Crime Commissioner election again. According to the 20 year plan I set myself in 1997, this will be my last election. Already I'm causing a stir. Even I can't believe my luck having called the Chief Constable of Sussex Police and the Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner Katy Bourne liars. (Truth is on my side) I haven't been arrested yet!

Suffice to say I'm a controversial figure. Having written for Guerrilla Democracy News for the last 3 years, reporting on false flag events, Chris Spivey and the Alternative community; you'll really have to read my stuff to appreciate just how controversial I've been.


My claim to fame and the one article which went viral (resulting in phone calls being made to 10 Downing Street and Buckingham Palace asking whether its true) was the article “Matt Taylor orders the immediate arrest of David Cameron and The Queen.”


TWO COMEDY IDEAS FOR THE SHOW.

IDEA ONE:

Using the simple format of the Talking Fruit craze- a 30 second snap joke of the topic of the day. Take for example these I've produced lambasting David Cameron, George Osborne and Iain Duncan Smith.

David Cameron – Pig-Gate Scandal.

George Osborne – Cocaine cocaine.

Iain Duncan Smith – I care about poor people.

IDEA TWO:

Behind closed doors. Once a public presentation has finished both David Cameron and George Osborne enter a private room and the black oak doors close behind them. The scenario is that their microphones are still recording and we can hear what they're saying.

David: God, thank gosh that's over. Its so tiresome having to explain myself to those peasants.

George: Oh David you darling. You are so masterful. No one could do it as good as you.

David: Oh do get your nose out from my buttocks Gideon. I still don't see why you didn't have to deal with the Google fiasco.

George: You know why David. Mumsy wants you to face the music considering the – You know what!

David: Yes yes, we all know about that. I do wish the old bat stops going on about it.

George: Be careful Dave; you know these walls have ears.

David: Oh fuck off Gideon. One day you'll be in the same spot as me and you'll have Mumsy to deal with yourself. I don't know what's worse? Having to explain myself to the peasants or visit the old witch once a week.

George: Now now David, I really must put my foot down, that's not nice. Mumsy is a lovely lady who's been very good for us. If it wasn't for her none of us would be where we are now.

David: Oh shut up Gideon. If it wasn't for Google stealing the limelight, Mumsy would be having to explain why she's never paid tax for all her life!

Watch my amateur attempt at bringing this sketch to life.


I look forward to hearing from you and ultimately being chosen to write for your show.

Many thanks for this wonderful opportunity.

Matt Taylor
Brighton

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