Tuesday, 29 June 2010

I'm fat

I’m 19 stone 1 pound. Fuck me that’s heavy.

My goal is to lose the weight of a baby (in the region of 9lbs 10ozs), because when you look at me it looks like I’m carrying a baby.

I’m so fat that my waistline was larger than my girl friend’s when she was 9 months pregnant.

I wish I was the first pregnant man in history, but no the truth is I’m just fat.

I went for an hour run tonight and enjoyed it immensely. It was brilliant and I loved every minute.

Thus my plan is to go running three times a week. Buy a Pilates DVD, eat less and only eat fruit as snacks. No more crisps, biscuits and other high calorie foods.

Oh yeah, and for the first time in my life I’m weighing myself.

It’s time to get anal about weight.

Thursday, 24 June 2010

THE SOS WAR PLAN

Who’s crazier?
Political leaders who send our fittest and brightest men to death in the name of war or I for promoting the idea of fighting wars with lasers in which no-one dies?
How many times have past soldiers, scholars and poets told us about the futility of war? But yet society refuses to listen.

If you haven't already, please check out the THE SOS WAR PLAN and tell me who's mad?

28 Days Later

So much for Nick Clegg’s claim that liberties lost under the Labour government would be given back.

Having asked us to put our faith in politics again, I did so with an open heart and hoped politician’s will at last live up to their potential.

I was particularly keen to hear about the ‘28 days detention without charge’ issue.

In my humble opinion this is the greatest assault on our civil liberties in a hundred years.

How dare the state lock anyone up for 28 days without any charge or any explanation for doing so?

Stop using the terrorism excuse. If a terrorist is a terrorist then the evidence should be clear to see. If there is no evidence to imply one is a terrorist then it’s odd’s on favorite one isn’t.

This was the litmus test for me. The coalition government’s decision to keep the status quo for the next six months is a bitter disappointment.

It looks like its politics as normal to me.

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Sorry is the easiest word

I said sorry to Karina tonight and it was the best sorry I’ve made.

Last night I had a go at her for making me go up-stairs to close our bedroom window.

When I say had a go. I mean I lambasted her.

OK, she never actually made me. I insisted in doing it. She was more than willing to do it herself but I was adamant. She is after all nine months pregnant and is about to drop any hour.

She wanted to close the window because some inconsiderate neighbour of a barstad had a bonfire alight and she was worried the toxic smoke of the bonfire would affect the good health of our daughter fast asleep in her bed.

It was the straw that broke the camels back for me. Our bedroom window was open, behind curtains with-in a room with the door closed. How on earth would the toxic smoke of the bonfire get to our daughter who slept in the bedroom next door?

Anyway, I lambasted Karina about it and she went ballistic. She would not let me get away with it. Complaining that she was nine months pregnant and that I should know better. And yes, in hindsight I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

It's because she's been to the acupuncturist who told her that sex is a good way to bring on delivery that she is willing to forgive me. (I heard an interesting fact lately guys. Yes, sperm does help the hormones to do their stuff and bring on a delivery, but it doesn't have to be delivered through the vagina. Via the stomach is just as effective...)

So, she's been to the acupuncturist and the baby should be here any day now. Of-course she needs my sperm to bring it on, just as she needed it to start the whole process and all we needed was a little something.

A foot massage. No, an apology.

Sorry really is the easiest word to say especially when it rubs clean everything that was said yesterday.



Waiting for a baby to be born.

We're waiting patiently for the baby to arrive.

Today, tomorrow or even next week. One way or the other, the baby will be born very soon.

Matt Taylor